Deconstructing Your Garbage

Cynicism is not maturity, which is something that took me a long time to learn. When I was younger I believed that my cynicism made me worldly. It was like displaying my disappointment with the world gave me the upper hand, compared to the childishly naive babies who had never encountered suffering. It’s embarrassing to think about, but I try to be loving towards young Steph.

Anybody can throw out the structures they were given in early childhood - religion, family systems, coping techniques. The problem I have encountered in doing this is that life is full of polarities and when we try to get rid of something without first balancing it out, we end up swinging the pendulum too far to the other side. This creates ripples in our lives to the same extent that the initial structures did, and because they come from the flip side of the coin, we can be blind towards them. For example, trying to balance a strict upbringing by being laissez-faire with our own kids doesn’t create the balance we would have gained from firm but gentle parenting. It creates a whole host of other problems that don’t look like our own, but have the same far-reaching impact.

This seems especially true when it comes to religion. I know so many people, my old self included, who throw the whole thing out without taking the time to wade through the sludge and glean what can be salvaged. I’m picturing the garbage chute in the Millennium Falcon, for reference. Deconstructing any kind of religion or familial system is messy work, and if we don’t look for a way out the walls start to close in on us as the shit piles up. It’s much more difficult to stand in the muck and pick each piece up, hold it to the light, and decide if it’s worth keeping. Let me correct myself: it’s initially more difficult to do this, but the long-term implications of climbing out of that garbage shaft are far, FAR easier than staying in there. If we don’t do this work we can’t see the things that still cling to us; anti-religious people retain their saviour complex; easy-going people jump to conclusions when their egos are bruised; codependent people sacrifice themselves and become bitter and resentful when their unreasonable expectations of others aren’t met.

It’s a difficult way to live, dragging around baggage that you don’t even know you have. Do the difficult work to sort out the beneficial from the unhelpful. Life is not black and white. Nothing is all bad or all good. Life is a complicated mix of both, and so are we. Deconstructing our humble beginnings allows us to fully accept ourselves, forgive those who hurt us, and move along our path carrying only that which serves us - a much lighter load to bear. It’s a rough go at first but I promise it will make your life easier in the end.

✌️❤️